"I'm tough! I have to negotiate with contractors. I'm really tough!"
Fiona says with an easy and confident laugh.

Fiona's Story

Leanne Gryga, Publisher

Photo by Carolyn O'Neill

Acclimate, December 2008

Would you be inspired by an expat woman who runs her own successful Bangkok-based company in the male-dominated world of development and construction? How about an expat woman who is raising two young daughters here on her own—both of whom are now completely bilingual? What about an expat woman who did both of those things while battling aggressive, inflammatory breast cancer? Meet Fiona.

Twenty years ago, Sydney-born Fiona came to Bangkok on a two-month assignment. Single and strong, she worked successfully as a quality surveyor for construction projects, and her two months turned into two years. But, when her company decided to send her on to her next assignment in Cambodia, she said, "No, thanks," and decided to start her own business here, as a direct competitor to her former employer!
Building a business and a name for herself wasn't easy, but she proved up to the challenge. She was already qualified and credentialed, but her lack of Thai skills put her at a disadvantage in negotiations. Time and again she'd hire Thai engineers and teach them English. And time and again they'd gobble up the experience, become fluent, and leave for multinational companies.

So she learned Thai and now speaks fluently. "If they were smart enough to learn Thai, then so was I!" she says. She also earned a master's degree at Chulalongkorn's Sasin Graduate School of Business, a degree and affiliation that opened more doors. While her gender could be viewed as an obstacle, she believes it also helps her get in the door with potential clients who might accept first meetings with her simply out of curiosity. The fact that she's one of the only farang women in the industry makes her unusual and hard to forget, but easy to underestimate, too…at least the first time.

Fiona recalls a meeting early in her career here when she was seated across a table from eight Thai businessmen. They listened to her pitch in English, and then, liking what they heard, discussed amongst themselves at length—and in Thai—how they could get her to accept a lower price, never imagining that she could understand every word they said. She was able to use their "secret" discussion to boost her position, and close the deal effectively. As she stood up to leave, she thanked them and told them how much she looked forward to working with them…in perfectly surprising Thai! She walked out the room with her head held high, but she sure would have enjoyed sneaking a peek at the looks on their faces.

Motherhood

A few years into her stay in Bangkok, Fiona met a man and fell in love. Unable to find steady work here, her new husband spent quite a bit of time first in Australia earning a degree, and then in the UK looking for work. They commuted to see each other and planned for children, but Fiona was unwilling to leave Bangkok and all she'd established until she was pregnant. Then, when her wish came true and she found herself three months pregnant, her husband decided to end the marriage.

With her family's blessings and support, she decided to stay in Thailand to raise her daughter. What better place than Bangkok, where she already had a successful business and the opportunity to have full-time helpers? She remembers bringing baby Emma to work with her, laying her on blankets by her desk until she was old enough to move around too much. Fiona and Emma were loved and supported by their whole community.

But Fiona dreamed of a second child to keep Emma company. With no man in the picture, she looked to adopt. After countless applications, referrals, interviews, and denials, Fiona gave up on the idea of adopting a Thai baby as a single woman. A friend introduced her to the idea of artificial insemination, and she sought out a donor. Her search eventually ended in Scandinavia, where she found a company over the internet that would ship a suitable specimen to her. They shipped it in a special container, on which she even had to pay import tax, she recalls with a laugh. She calls her second daughter Sophie—an adorable blond, blue-eyed mix of Australia and Scandinavia—her "internet baby."

Both Emma, 8, and Sophie, 3, are bilingual, speaking both English and Thai fluently. Both girls have their mom's strong will and independence, and are already expert travelers. Fiona recalls the first time Emma had to travel with the nanny, who had never been on an airplane herself. At one and a half years old, Emma led the nanny through the airport, handing their boarding passes to the gate agent and finding their seats, while the nanny watched and followed in amazement.

The girls have also been learning negotiation skills since birth, mostly from watching the nanny bargain at the markets, Fiona presumes. On a recent trip, after a surprise upgrade to business class, the girls asked why they didn't fly in those comfy seats every time. Fiona explained that those seats were much more expensive; if they traveled that way, they could take far fewer trips. After a few moments of contemplation, the girls reckoned is was far more advantageous to take more trips in economy, even though the seats didn't come with individual TV screens and an endless supply of hot chocolate, than only an occasional trip in business class.

Cancer

Despite the adversity that Fiona had already overcome—setting up her business and raising her daughters as a single mom—her biggest challenge came two and a half years ago when she was diagnosed with an especially aggressive and rare form of breast cancer. Inflammatory breast cancer is more difficult to detect than other types. Its symptoms are different and its occurrence rare (it accounts for just 3% of all breast cancer cases), which made diagnosis slow and difficult. While Fiona knew something wasn't right, doctor after doctor said her symptoms were nothing to worry about. After months of searching the internet, she believed she had diagnosed herself and went to Bumrungrad for confirmation of her fear.

Once the diagnosis was confirmed, Fiona immediately began fighting it. She traveled to Australia for a unique treatment unavailable here, and spent the next two years balancing treatment and motherhood, while maintaining her business. Emma and Sophie were terrific and took the whole ordeal in stride. Fiona was always as honest as possible with them. Emma was able to tell her teachers that her mom had breast cancer and that's why they needed to travel to Australia. And Sophie grew up so accustomed to seeing her mom in headscarves that she would put one on herself as she got ready for the day, thinking that's what normal women do along with getting dressed and applying make-up.

Upon her return to Bangkok, Fiona longed for a support group where other cancer patients and survivors could reach out and talk to people who understood what they were going through. So she founded the Cancer Support Group, in partnership with Bumrungrad, which provides a meeting space, coffee and tea, and a coordinator.

The group is open to people dealing with any type of cancer and meets every Thursday morning. Psychologist Jeanine Souren also donates her time to work with the group each week. If you'd like to learn more, please call 081 809 7672.

Life lessons learned

What can we learn from this woman who has lived through so much and still greets every morning with a smile?

1. "Life is terminal. You'd better enjoy it while you've got the chance," Fiona says. "I wake up every day and feel glad to be alive. Nobody knows when they're time is up, or a loved one could be ripped away. So enjoy every moment. Spend less time planning your future, and more time enjoying your now."

2. "Cut the negative people out of your life." They are toxic.